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Many Happy Returns
Tomorrow is Gabrielle's birthday! Xena teases Gabrielle as the bard tries to guess what her present will be. Then Gabrielle asks Xena not to do the practical jokes. But Xena says it's tradition. Gabrielle says please, Xena. Xena promises, no jokes, but her fingers are crossed behind her back. Xena takes a spy glass from the horse's backpack, and looks through the wrong end. Gabrielle says here, give me that. She turns it around and looks. She sees nothing. Xena snickers. When Gabrielle takes the glass away, there is a black ring around her eye. Xena says they have to head to Thebes and that they are delivering the Helmet of Hermes to some kind along the way. Gabrielle wonders if her present is in Thebes. Zealots perform a ritual sacrifice at a cliff. They ask their god to protect them from the evil warlord in exchange for this virgin. They place a girl on a contraption designed to slowly throw her over a cliff. The head dude raises his sword to cut the last rope. Xena's chakram flies through the air and cuts the sword in half. Xena tells him to put the girl down. He says you are interrupting a religious ceremony. Xena says "forgive me father" and kind of flips him off as she goes to save the girl. Xena and Gabrielle fight the zealot followers. During the fight, the rope is broken and the girl goes over the cliff. Xena grabs the helmet and jumps over the cliff. She puts the helmet on as she falls, and catches the girl. She flies up and over and lands in a clearing. The girl, Jenai, mistakes Xena for a deity at first, and wants to worship her. Then, when she realizes Xena is normal, she pouts and is angry at being saved. Gabrielle runs up. Xena explains to Gabrielle that Jenai has a problem; she thinks she is supposed to be a virgin sacrifice. Xena wants to introduce her to some of the gods they know to show her what she would be giving up her life for. Someone watches from the bushes. The zealots want to find the girl. The watcher runs into a cave. He is a warlord's son. He tells Dad that a dark beautiful woman swooped down and rescued the virgin. Dad realizes it's Xena, the warrior pain in his butt (or something like that). Dad decides Xena must have the Helmet of Hermes. He wants it. He sends his son out to do something for him. Xena, Gabrielle, and Jenai arrive at a waterfall. A beautiful spot. They make camp. Xena and Gabrielle go swimming. Jenai does not go, but she keeps peeping at the naked women through her hands. Later, as they eat, Jenai makes some comments about never feeling so satisfied before; Xena says yeah, and so quickly too (or something like that). Then Jenai realizes she ate fish and says she must do penance and sleep on the ground without cover. Xena says if they weren't supposed to eat fish, how come they taste good? Jenai accepts a blanket. Xena tells Gabrielle they should get some rest; they have a big day tomorrow. As Xena and Gabrielle lay beside each other, Gabrielle begins to giggle. She tells Xena to stop it. She says "get your cold clammy feet off of me." Then Gabrielle realizes there is an eel or snake or some other creepy slimy thing at her feet. Xena snickers. Gabrielle declares war. Xena smiles. Next morning, Xena bathes beneath the falls. Jenai wakes up. Gabrielle tells her that Xena is never to be bothered while she bathes in the morning. Xena emerges from the water. Her clothes are missing. Gabrielle tells Xena they are right under her nose. Xena looks and finds her clothes partially hidden. She grabs them, and when she does, a bucket of fish guts falls on her head from the tree. Gabrielle is a little stunned. She tells Xena she was sure she would have dodged those fish guts. Xena didn't see that coming, apparently. Gabrielle looks a little nervous. Xena and Gabrielle take Jenai to Aphrodite's temple. Xena calls for Aphrodite, who pops in with two half-naked guys. Xena introduces Jenai. Aphrodite is impressed; she didn't think there were any more virgins around. Jenai says Aphrodite is just an evil myth. Aphrodite tells "Gabby" happy birthday, and gives her a hug. Xena invites Aphrodite to Thebes. Aphrodite says Oh! You got tickets to see Sappho! Gabrielle is excited; so this is her birthday present! They all head off to Thebes. They stop for water; Gabrielle refuses to drink when Xena hands her the water bag. Gabrielle is waiting for Xena's revenge for the fish guts. Jenai says Aphrodite isn't a god. Aphrodite does some tricks but Jenai isn't impressed. Aphrodite asks Xena why they don't just let her pop them into Thebes. Xena says she wants Jenai to spend time with Aphrodite. They continue on their journey. Gabrielle says she just knows Xena is planning her doom. They arrive in town. Aphrodite takes Jenai off to look around. Gabrielle keeps expecting the worse from Xena. Warlord Boy sees Jenai, and they exchange glances to sparkly love-sounding music. Gabrielle, in a tavern, has her head down. Seems they missed the show; Xena had the times wrong. Xena says someone has been following them. Xena leaves Gabrielle the bag with the Helmet of Hermes in it while she goes to get another drink. Aphrodite tells Gabrielle that Xena switched bags with them back in the market. The Warlord Dad comes in. "Xena" he hisses. He wants the bag. Fighting ensues. Xena yells for Aphrodite to get Jenai and the bag out. Aphrodite goes "poof" and they are in the street. Jenai said, Oh! You are a goddess. Xena and Gabrielle fight the bad guys. The bag Gabrielle has flies around the room. The warlord gets the bag and leaves. Xena says that wasn't the helmet, anyway. Gabrielle says yes it was. She thought Xena was trying to play a joke on her so she switched the bags back with Aphrodite while Xena was getting her drink. Xena yells for Aphrodite, who pops in with a wildly dressed Jenai. Jenai is now dedicating her life to Aphrodite. Aphrodite tells Jenai to pick a guy, any guy. Jenai picks Warlord Boy. Aphrodite casts a love spell on them. Warlord Boy asks Jenai to marry him. She says okay. They run off together. The zealots seem them go. The Warlord Dad flies around his hidey-hole. He has the Helmet on his head. Xena and Gabrielle watch. A doorbell rings. Warlord Boy comes in with Jenai and introduces her to his father. Aphrodite pops in behind Xena and Gabrielle. She's surprised to find out Warlord Boy is ... Warlord Boy. She begins to undo her spell but Xena stops her because that would befuddle Jenai. Xena says she has an idea. The Warlord Dad's doorbell rings again. A disguised Xena and Aphrodite come in. Xena introduces herself as "Anthrax," Jenai's father, here to see who his daughter is marrying. Then Anthrax says the wedding planner has to be consulted, and in comes "Belle" aka Gabrielle. Aphrodite takes Jenai for a conference and takes the spell off of her and explains things to her. Xena comes around and tells Jenai to stop living her life for other people. Xena goes away. Then Aphrodite poofs Jenai into town -- directly into the hands of the zealots who are looking for her. Gabrielle, planning the wedding, tries to get the helmet off Warlord Dad but fails. Anthrax tells Warlord Dad that being a warlord ain't so hard; let me see your scars. Warlord Dad starts showing off his scars, finally removing the helmet to show one on his head, given to him by Xena. While the helmet is off, it is switched, leaving the warlord with a different bag. Xena learns that Aphrodite poofed Jenai into town, with the bag with the helmet, and freaks a little. They can't find Jenai; the zealots have her. Xena returns with one of Jenai's new shoes and figures the zealots have taken her to their temple two miles from town. The warlord realizes he was scammed. One of the zealots goes to the warlord to arrange a deal. The sacrifice begins. Jenai is all wrapped up and this big block with spikes on it is going to be dropped on her. Xena interrupts the religious worship. The warlord flies in; he has the helmet. He agreed to stop Xena in exchange for the helmet. The zealots fight Gabrielle while Xena fights the warlord. One of the zealot lights a rope holding the big spiky thing. More fighting. The rope begins to burn through. Xena does a ladder dance and ultimately gets the helmet from the warlord. She tosses it to Gabrielle. The spiky thing falls. Xena stops it, sets Jenai free. But, the head zealot has Gabrielle with a knife by the throat. He also has the helmet. He puts the helmet on and plop, he falls to his death. Gabrielle says it was a fake helmet; they did another switch. Warlord Boy comes in to save Jenai. Jenai says sorry, I can't marry you, I'm off to convert my convent into a shelter for poor needy people. Xena tells Gabrielle they have to leave; maybe there's another show. By the sea, with the sun setting, Xena apologizes to Gabrielle because they missed the Sappho show. Xena asks Gabrielle to close her eyes; some tender teasing; Gabrielle closes her eyes. Xena gives Gabrielle a present. Gabrielle finds a scroll with a poem written by Sappho. She reads it aloud; it is a beautiful love poem. Xena puts on the Helmet of Hermes, grabs Gabrielle, and they fly off together. "Happy Birthday, Gabrielle."